05. dance the night away

sorry, for the long break between posts.  i hope you didn't think i ran out of ideas and had to cut bait on the topic.  i started a new job a few weeks ago with an amazing organization, so i'm still trying to get into the rhythm of my new schedule.

speaking of rhythm (nice segue i know), today's topic is dance.  you know, "5,6,7,8".  footloose and dirty dancing.  gene kelly.  ballet, ballroom, hip-hop.  so you think you can dance?  dance brings about a certain grace and freedom of expression.  at its best, it is emotional.

but here's the reality for most guys.  if you've ever been to a junior high dance, you remember the picture.  most of the girls are having the times of their lives, jumping around and dancing to whatever song was playing.  it comes so natural.  but the guys...some brave few dare to step onto the dance floor but end up looking awkward.  but most of them are lined up in the corner as wallflowers.  some think they are "too cool" for this, but really they're just scared, they feel vulnerable and don't know what else to do.  it doesn't change a whole lot as we grow up.

so what's a guy to do?  how do you connect to this thing that most women genuinely enjoy?  my only advice is to stop taking it so seriously.  loosen up.  don't be afraid to look or feel really awkward.  a lot of times the guys who looked awkward got the first chance to grab a girl for a slow dance as soon as the dj put that marvin gaye or boyz II men jam on.  simply because they were on the dance floor.

ashley's a dancer and, luckily for me, i don't mind making myself look like a fool (even luckier for me is that i don't think she minds that much either).  so we have fun dancing.  it has been a very important part of her life.  and like i shared in an earlier post, it's also how our relationship got started.  one thing we've always talked about doing is signing up for a ballroom class.  maybe we will some day.  i think we would both really appreciate and enjoy  the experience.

sometimes i get in a goofy mood and try to copy the pieces from the show so you think you can dance...it cracks her up, hysterically sometimes.  we watch the classic dance movies.  we have a blast dancing at wedding receptions.  there are so many ways to tap into dance...go to a musical or broadway show, play dance central on xbox kinect, go to a zumba class, etc.  talk to your girl, see what she's interested in and dance the night away.

04. roses are red, violets are blue...

flowers. cliche. i don't need a blog to tell me about flowers. girls love 'em. there's no big secret here.

that may be true, but my list wouldn't be complete without at least a mention of them. it is absolutely a fact. women love getting flowers. roses, tulips, orchids, dasies, lilies...guaranteed to bring out a smile just as long as it's not a $3 bunch of carnations! (poor carnations, when did they get such a bum rap).

whether the message is happy anniversary, happy birthday, get well soon, i'm sorry, congratulations, hey baby (wink, wink) and of course, happy valentines day, there's hardly an occasion when flowers are not welcomed. brides will spend thousands of dollars on floral expenses for their big day. the centerpieces have to match the color scheme, the center aisle has to be drizzled with petals, and the bridal party bouquet have to be stunning. flowers make the day extra beautiful.

ok, so far all of this is common sense. but i do have to point out that sometimes flower-giving is overdone or poorly thought out and they lose the oh-so-special wow factor. one way to get around that is by finding a better time to grace your lady-friend with a bouquet. like i mentioned in my first post, the last thing you want is to be average, expected or lame.

here's the deal. the next time you want to get her flowers, don't wait for valentine's day. maybe just get it for her next thursday. why? to let her know that you adore her just the same on any ol' thursday and that you don't need no stinkin' holiday or milestone to express that to her.

or maybe you can go around your neighborhood or the nearest park to pick some fresh flowers for her desk or coffee table. why? to let her know that you think the world of her, you appreciate her hard work and that you want her to have a well-deserved relaxing evening. tip: trader joe's always has a great selection of affordable flowers that have that freshly-picked look.

another tip, get a flower lady. when i lived in the oc, i had maribel. she's a pro. she has a great sense of creativity and style and knowledge of flowers. the best part for the guys out ther is she made it easy for me. when i wanted to get a bouquet i would call her up and she would put together something that was one-of-a-kind. when i gave that vase or bouquet to my wife, i was certain that no one else in the world had ever received an arrangement like that...ever. the message i want ashley to get when i get her flowers is this: to me, you are beautiful in a way that cannot be compared to anything or anyone. 

here are some more samples of maribel's amazing work (if you're in the socal area, check out her website and put her in your contacts):

ok, go make flowers exciting again!

p.s. i'm still looking for a flower lady in dc...please let me know if you know of any good ones :)

03. mixed tape

at our wedding we had the unique privilege of having our first dance to an original wedding song.  we were blessed by two of ashley's college roommates who composed a beautiful song out of old letters and poems that we wrote for each other while we were dating. they played the piano and violin and sang the lyrics live. it was definitely a highlight of our special day. thanks chelsea davis and aubrey richmond.

music was always an important part of our relationship. on march 30, 2002 (our dating anniversary) we slow danced to right here waiting for you by richard marx. it was an unforgettable moment for us. that summer i ended up going to maui for over two months and that song took on an even deeper meaning.

we have plenty of songs that we consider "our songs". juliana theory's top of the world. i beleive in a thing called love by the darkness. adam sandler's timeless melody, i want to grow old with you. peter gabriel's classic in your eyes from say anything. the love medley in moulin rouge. a page is turned by bebo norman. eternity by how's kelly. i could keep going. each song is tied to a memory. it expresses the specific way we felt at that certain moment in time.

what's your song? most likely there's more than one that you share.

now i may be aging myself here, but do you remember mix tapes? yup, cassette tapes. i'm not ashamed to say it...i used to make tapes with cheesy love songs on them. that was a pain in the butt. after tapes, i burned compact discs. a little easier. nowadays, i guess the equivalent would be putting together an itunes playlist. that's a piece of cake to assemble.

your lady will dig the effort and time you put in. more importantly they'll love the thought you put behind it. i have a good friend who made a whole cd with nsync's would you be my girlfriend? on repeat. that started off their relationship. i was happy to be a part of their wedding last year and he shared that story as part of a video montage he put together for her. simple romance.

02. write your story

have you ever seen the notebook?  if not, put it on your netflix queue right now and find some time to watch it with your wife or your fiance or your girlfriend...

the movie starts with an old man, duke, reading a story to a lady with alzheimer's disease in a nursing home. the story's about a guy who falls for a girl who won't give him the time of day. he has to do something drastic to win her over. so one summer night at the carnival, he jumps up and hangs on a ferris wheel...and while dangling there risking his life, he gets her to agree to go out with him. romantic, right?

i actually think the most romantic thing about it is that the story is written down. the story is timeless.

what's your love story? maybe you were stricken the first time you laid your eyes on her. maybe you became best friends before you realized you couldn't live without each other. maybe she played hard to get. maybe you both had one too many during spring break in mexico, and well...here you are, in love.

write it down. "but i'm not a writer." so what, quit whining?!  you're not going to publish it. it's not that hard. just start writing what comes from your heart. just write it down before you forget. write about when you first met, the first time you kissed, the first argument, the first trip you took together, the first time you knew she was "the one", the time you asked her to spend the rest of her life by your side...

ashley and i keep an anniversary journal. once a year, on our anniversary (actually it's always a little bit after that because we're slackers and procrastinators just like every one else) we write about the year that just passed by.  you'd be surprised at how much happens in 365 days. we've been doing this for five years now. i love reading about what we've accomplished together. where we've traveled. how we've overcome struggles. but most of all, i love reading about how we are getting to know each other more with each trip around the sun.

and she likes it too. the idea of having a book that you can keep your whole life and share with the grandkids someday thrills her. and that's the key. essentially, what you're saying with this notebook is...through the good and the bad, i will be there with you. i want to grow old with you.

i'll leave you with this..."they didn't agree on much. in fact they rarely agreed on anything. they fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday...but in spite their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other." duke, the notebook

01. cheese...and wine.

monday is valentine's day. today is thursday. most guys are probably just starting to think about what to do, where to go? what present to get?...what the heck?! they have no idea. i guess their valentine is going to end up with the trite pre-packaged red roses and chocolates in a heart-shaped-box.

look, i'm not a hater. all of us have been there. last minute. our minds are blank. and stuck. and there's absolutely nothing wrong with flowers, chocolates, chintzy jewelry or bears that say "be mine". in fact i'm sure there will be future blogs written that incorporate some of those things. the problem is that those things are overdone. average. expected. lame.

it's time to bring romance back.

this is the perfect reason to launch this blog. i'm not going to list all the things you could do on february 14th. my hope is by next year, there will be a year's worth of ideas that will help you see that there is potential for every day to be the most romantic day.

today, i'm writing about cheese.

more appropriately, cheese paired with wine. my wife and i have wine and cheese a lot. there's never a bad time for it, really. we've had wine and cheese in a small apartment in paris with ashley's family. and a french baguette. delicious. we normally go to wineries for our anniversaries, so we find a way to work the cheese in as well. mmmm...the spicy chutney spread from napa, i can still taste it. we've hosted wine and cheese nights with friends. we even tailgated at a ballgame with wine and cheese once.

this was the inspiration long ago for the blog title. one of those times, i thought to myself, "when was the last time i got the guys together to partake in some havarti and pinot noir?" (might be interesting to try some time).

the truth of it is that as much as i love wine and cheese, it's best when shared with my wife. why is that? i think it's because it's always an experiment...there are so many combinations out there to try. it almost feels like a little adventure. like you're trying something different and new each time. it's an art. white, red? it's a treat. gouda, aged cheddar, stilton? when you find a taste you both like, you can bring out the cutting board and have a feast. it's a bit like life as a couple.


so with that...try it out. if you've never really done this before talk to some of your foodie friends and get their advice. don't do this haphazardly, the first time i did this, i think i got monterey jack and wheat thins. oops. you have to start somewhere. check out this pairing wheel to get some ideas (or cheese and beer pairings if wine is not your thing). better yet, take your girl with you to the nearest trader joe's or whole foods and just ask for wine and cheese recommendations.

ok, what are you waiting for!? plan your picnic or a late afternoon snack in your living room with a movie or grab some fig spread, salami and crackers and have yourselves a full meal. if you're already a wine and cheese pairing champ, share some of your favorite pairs in the comments. i'm always looking for ideas.

first things first. a few rules for the road ahead.

a blog about what makes women happy. written by a dude.


"wait...what?! no way." you might say. and you'd be right because i'd be crazy to think that i've figured women out. my lovely wife can attest to that. however, i have been around the more beautiful half of creation all my life. i grew up with my mom and my sister. my grandmother and aunts helped raise me after my dad left when i was two. when my mom got remarried, i inherited two more sisters. all this is to say that i've been surrounded by girls my whole life.

listen, i know that doesn't mean a whole lot when it comes to understanding how one works. i once heard that there was a book called "what men know about women". it was two hundred plus pages and all the pages were...blank. true story. and i completely agree. and i think that's how most guys feel. but every once in a while we accidentally make the other gender smile.

my goal with this blog is to capture those moments and prove that romance is still attainable.

but before we get to cutting the cheese (get it?), here are some rules for the road ahead:


01. there is diverse range of the endless personalities of woman. and when you think you've finally pinpointed where your lady sits on that spectrum, she changes. on to rule number two.

02. she is dynamic. and way more complex than you can imagine. so stop trying to figure her out. just admire her. adore her. love her.

03. because of the first two rules...the key here is creativity and customization. the last thing she wants is cut-and-paste, straight-out-of-the-box love. with women, it really is the thought that counts.

04. ok...i can't think of any more rules so let's get on with it...

i will post as frequently as i can. hopefully, i can help to spark your own creativity and help you make your lady smile. and for the ladies reading the blog - feel free to forward to the guy in your life (that is, if you don't think i'm completely nuts). check in frequently and leave comments to share successes, failures, ideas, thoughts, etc.