03. mixed tape

at our wedding we had the unique privilege of having our first dance to an original wedding song.  we were blessed by two of ashley's college roommates who composed a beautiful song out of old letters and poems that we wrote for each other while we were dating. they played the piano and violin and sang the lyrics live. it was definitely a highlight of our special day. thanks chelsea davis and aubrey richmond.

music was always an important part of our relationship. on march 30, 2002 (our dating anniversary) we slow danced to right here waiting for you by richard marx. it was an unforgettable moment for us. that summer i ended up going to maui for over two months and that song took on an even deeper meaning.

we have plenty of songs that we consider "our songs". juliana theory's top of the world. i beleive in a thing called love by the darkness. adam sandler's timeless melody, i want to grow old with you. peter gabriel's classic in your eyes from say anything. the love medley in moulin rouge. a page is turned by bebo norman. eternity by how's kelly. i could keep going. each song is tied to a memory. it expresses the specific way we felt at that certain moment in time.

what's your song? most likely there's more than one that you share.

now i may be aging myself here, but do you remember mix tapes? yup, cassette tapes. i'm not ashamed to say it...i used to make tapes with cheesy love songs on them. that was a pain in the butt. after tapes, i burned compact discs. a little easier. nowadays, i guess the equivalent would be putting together an itunes playlist. that's a piece of cake to assemble.

your lady will dig the effort and time you put in. more importantly they'll love the thought you put behind it. i have a good friend who made a whole cd with nsync's would you be my girlfriend? on repeat. that started off their relationship. i was happy to be a part of their wedding last year and he shared that story as part of a video montage he put together for her. simple romance.

02. write your story

have you ever seen the notebook?  if not, put it on your netflix queue right now and find some time to watch it with your wife or your fiance or your girlfriend...

the movie starts with an old man, duke, reading a story to a lady with alzheimer's disease in a nursing home. the story's about a guy who falls for a girl who won't give him the time of day. he has to do something drastic to win her over. so one summer night at the carnival, he jumps up and hangs on a ferris wheel...and while dangling there risking his life, he gets her to agree to go out with him. romantic, right?

i actually think the most romantic thing about it is that the story is written down. the story is timeless.

what's your love story? maybe you were stricken the first time you laid your eyes on her. maybe you became best friends before you realized you couldn't live without each other. maybe she played hard to get. maybe you both had one too many during spring break in mexico, and well...here you are, in love.

write it down. "but i'm not a writer." so what, quit whining?!  you're not going to publish it. it's not that hard. just start writing what comes from your heart. just write it down before you forget. write about when you first met, the first time you kissed, the first argument, the first trip you took together, the first time you knew she was "the one", the time you asked her to spend the rest of her life by your side...

ashley and i keep an anniversary journal. once a year, on our anniversary (actually it's always a little bit after that because we're slackers and procrastinators just like every one else) we write about the year that just passed by.  you'd be surprised at how much happens in 365 days. we've been doing this for five years now. i love reading about what we've accomplished together. where we've traveled. how we've overcome struggles. but most of all, i love reading about how we are getting to know each other more with each trip around the sun.

and she likes it too. the idea of having a book that you can keep your whole life and share with the grandkids someday thrills her. and that's the key. essentially, what you're saying with this notebook is...through the good and the bad, i will be there with you. i want to grow old with you.

i'll leave you with this..."they didn't agree on much. in fact they rarely agreed on anything. they fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday...but in spite their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other." duke, the notebook

01. cheese...and wine.

monday is valentine's day. today is thursday. most guys are probably just starting to think about what to do, where to go? what present to get?...what the heck?! they have no idea. i guess their valentine is going to end up with the trite pre-packaged red roses and chocolates in a heart-shaped-box.

look, i'm not a hater. all of us have been there. last minute. our minds are blank. and stuck. and there's absolutely nothing wrong with flowers, chocolates, chintzy jewelry or bears that say "be mine". in fact i'm sure there will be future blogs written that incorporate some of those things. the problem is that those things are overdone. average. expected. lame.

it's time to bring romance back.

this is the perfect reason to launch this blog. i'm not going to list all the things you could do on february 14th. my hope is by next year, there will be a year's worth of ideas that will help you see that there is potential for every day to be the most romantic day.

today, i'm writing about cheese.

more appropriately, cheese paired with wine. my wife and i have wine and cheese a lot. there's never a bad time for it, really. we've had wine and cheese in a small apartment in paris with ashley's family. and a french baguette. delicious. we normally go to wineries for our anniversaries, so we find a way to work the cheese in as well. mmmm...the spicy chutney spread from napa, i can still taste it. we've hosted wine and cheese nights with friends. we even tailgated at a ballgame with wine and cheese once.

this was the inspiration long ago for the blog title. one of those times, i thought to myself, "when was the last time i got the guys together to partake in some havarti and pinot noir?" (might be interesting to try some time).

the truth of it is that as much as i love wine and cheese, it's best when shared with my wife. why is that? i think it's because it's always an experiment...there are so many combinations out there to try. it almost feels like a little adventure. like you're trying something different and new each time. it's an art. white, red? it's a treat. gouda, aged cheddar, stilton? when you find a taste you both like, you can bring out the cutting board and have a feast. it's a bit like life as a couple.


so with that...try it out. if you've never really done this before talk to some of your foodie friends and get their advice. don't do this haphazardly, the first time i did this, i think i got monterey jack and wheat thins. oops. you have to start somewhere. check out this pairing wheel to get some ideas (or cheese and beer pairings if wine is not your thing). better yet, take your girl with you to the nearest trader joe's or whole foods and just ask for wine and cheese recommendations.

ok, what are you waiting for!? plan your picnic or a late afternoon snack in your living room with a movie or grab some fig spread, salami and crackers and have yourselves a full meal. if you're already a wine and cheese pairing champ, share some of your favorite pairs in the comments. i'm always looking for ideas.

first things first. a few rules for the road ahead.

a blog about what makes women happy. written by a dude.


"wait...what?! no way." you might say. and you'd be right because i'd be crazy to think that i've figured women out. my lovely wife can attest to that. however, i have been around the more beautiful half of creation all my life. i grew up with my mom and my sister. my grandmother and aunts helped raise me after my dad left when i was two. when my mom got remarried, i inherited two more sisters. all this is to say that i've been surrounded by girls my whole life.

listen, i know that doesn't mean a whole lot when it comes to understanding how one works. i once heard that there was a book called "what men know about women". it was two hundred plus pages and all the pages were...blank. true story. and i completely agree. and i think that's how most guys feel. but every once in a while we accidentally make the other gender smile.

my goal with this blog is to capture those moments and prove that romance is still attainable.

but before we get to cutting the cheese (get it?), here are some rules for the road ahead:


01. there is diverse range of the endless personalities of woman. and when you think you've finally pinpointed where your lady sits on that spectrum, she changes. on to rule number two.

02. she is dynamic. and way more complex than you can imagine. so stop trying to figure her out. just admire her. adore her. love her.

03. because of the first two rules...the key here is creativity and customization. the last thing she wants is cut-and-paste, straight-out-of-the-box love. with women, it really is the thought that counts.

04. ok...i can't think of any more rules so let's get on with it...

i will post as frequently as i can. hopefully, i can help to spark your own creativity and help you make your lady smile. and for the ladies reading the blog - feel free to forward to the guy in your life (that is, if you don't think i'm completely nuts). check in frequently and leave comments to share successes, failures, ideas, thoughts, etc.